Pokemon Diamond, The Insane Chronicles
by George Lennon
Summary: A messed up trainer from Twinleaf goes on a Pokemon journey, will she be able to survive? Who knows. So read and find out, slight cursing in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Me: Hey, my first Pokemon story, so I hope you all like it. Its pretty much a parody of my Diamond version file, complete with random outbursts of songs and stuff, so it'll be plenty funny. So I don't own Pokemon, or any TV, movie, or music references.**

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**Twinleaf Town**

"Sweet... today I get to go to the lake with Nelson and catch some Pokemans... I mean Pokemon," our heroine Lilliput said to herself as she packed up her stuff and met her friend outside of her house.

"Hey Lilliput, ready to go to the lake," Nelson asked.

"Yes I am," she said monotonously.

"Lets go!" Nelson shouted excitedly.

"Ok," was all she said.

"Lead the way," Nelson demanded.

"Why do I always have to lead the way? You're the guy! So go be a real man and lead the stinkin way!" Lilliput shouted angrily.

"...Are you PMSing again?" he asked her.

"Yes," she told him.

"Oh, ok. I guess I can lead the way this one time," he said.

"Good," she said.

"To Lake Verity!" Nelson shouted all excitedly with his finger pointed towards the lake.

"Woot, lets catch some Pokeman," Lilliput said.

"What?" Nelson asked as they started to walk off.

"Sorry, Pokemon," Lilliput said as they finally reached the lake.

**Verity Lakefront**

"Ok, lets leave professor," a boy, named Lucas, though our two heroes don't know that, said as he and a large imposing man left the lake, and the two went further towards it to the waterfront as some Starlys approached them.

"Oh noes, some Starlys," Nelson said, though he wasn't really scared.

"What's in that briefcase?" Lilliput asked dumbfoundedly as she got through the locks on it with ease.

"Guess they're pokeballs," Nelson said as the two saw three pokeballs in it.

"So what we gonna choose?" Lilliput asked.

"I dunno, just pick one and see if you like it," Nelson told her.

"Lets see, I like this one," Lilliput said, then opened the pokeball to reveal the small penguin pokemon Piplup, while Nelson chose the turtle looking Pokemon, Turtwig.

"Lets own some face!" Nelson said as the two quickly "owned face" to the Starlys.

"Zohmygosh that was too easy," Lilliput said.

"Well, these Pokemon aren't ours, so what should we do?" Nelson asked.

"Ste-" Lilliput started but was quickly interrupted.

"And we can't steal them," Nelson told her as the two put the Pokemon in the pokeballs as Lucas came back and took the briefcase.

"You two have some of the Pokemon don't you?" Lucas asked.

"Ayep," Lilliput said

"Cool, I'll go tell Professor Rowan, so just head by tomorrow so you two can get Pokedexs and start collecting gym badges. Since we all know that will happen. Right Mr. Writer?" Lucas asked.

**Me: That's right, like all Pokemon games/seasons you get a new Pokedex and get to collect gym badges, so we're just having Lucas here tell you to do this, to cut all the junk out.**

"Ok, if the writer says so, guess it has to be true," Lilliput said.

"Well see you at Professor Rowan's lab in Sandgem Town tomorrow. Toodles!" Lucas said.

"Toodles? What are you some sort of gay?" Nelson asked rudely.

"Not sure, whatever," Lucas said as he left.

**The Next Day at Lilliput's House**

"Sweet, today is the day I become a Pokeman- I mean Pokemon master," Lilliput said to herself as her mom came in.

"Good luck on your journey dear. But before you go, have some fruit salad," Lilliput's mom Keira told her.

"Ok," Lilliput said as she took a bite of fruit salad and the two burst into song.

"Fruit salad, yummy yummy... Fruit salad, yummy yummy..." the two sang and then Lilliput left.

**Sandgem Town, outside of Professor Rowan's Lab**

"Hey Mr. Gay," Lilliput greeted Lucas who was outside of the lab.

"Can you please not be mean about my sexuality?" Lucas asked and Lilliput shook her head.

"Well whatever, I got Professor Rowan's last Pokemon, Chimchar, and a Pokedex, so hurry and get your stuff," Lucas told her as she went into the lab.

"K," Lilliput said as she walked inside.

"Hello Mr. Professor," Lilliput greeted the Sinnoh region Poke professor.

"Hello Lilliput," he greeted back.

"How do you know my name stalker?" she asked.

"Lucas told me," he said.

"Oh Mr. Gay," she said.

"Uhh... yes. So yeah, here's your pokedex, go find every Pokemon you can find, and go collect gym badges. And do you wanna nickname your Piplup?" Rowan asked.

"Yes, Smedwicks," she told him.

"Smedwicks... that's an odd name. Were you by chance dropped on your head as a child?" Rowan asked.

"Yes, and my head was almost sucked in by a rogue vaccuum cleaner," she told him.

"Do you even have any education?" Rowan asked.

"No, I've been studying for my Pokemon journey since I was a baby," she admitted.

"Wow, I pity you for all the stuff you've missed out on. And being a Pokemon trainer will be tough without any education," Rowan explained to her.

"Whatever old man just give me my Pokedex and the five free pokeballs I'm supposed to get so I can start getting gym badges and stuff," she demanded.

"Here take them and get out of my lab, you're making my I.Q. drop rapidly," Rowan said as he shoved her out of his lab.

"Stupid old fart, oh well, might as well start my journey," Lilliput said as she started to walk off.

**Me: That's it for the first episode in our exciting adventures. Will Lilliput even be able to capture a Pokemon? Let alone pronounce Pokemon correctly? Find out next episode!**


	2. If You Were Gay

**Me: Second chapter, thanks for the reviews, and this chapter will involve some more random hilarity, including more random singing, which will be taken from a musical that will relate to Lucas's gayness. So I don't own Pokemon, or any TV, movie, or music references.**

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**Midway to Jubilife Town**

"Hey its a Shinx! Come on Smeddles, lets beat it up," Lilliput said as she let out her Piplup and it proceeded to Pound the Shinx.

"Bubble that loser! Bubble! Bubble!" Lilliput shouted and eventually Shinx fell down from the beating.

"Ok, pokemanball, GO!" she shouted as she threw the pokeball, but it misses and came back to her.

"Sorry, let me do it again. Pokeball, go!" she shouted again as she threw the ball and captured the Shinx.

"I'll name you Prost. The Prosty, Prostsauce!" she shouted annoingly as she began to walk off.

"Hey Lilliput!" Lucas shouted as she stopped to wait for him.

"Yea?" she asked.

"You'll never guessed what happened to me in Sandgem this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me," he started.

"That's real interesting," Lilliput said sarcastically.

"He was being REAL friendly. I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay," Lucas explained.

"So why're you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What'd you have for lunch today?" Lilliput asked him as the two continued to walk off.

"I didn't mean anything by it, I just think as Pokemon trainers, we should be able to talk about it," he told her.

"Well, ok, but just so you know..." Lilliput started, as she got into a sing song voice.

"If you were gay, that would be ok, I mean cause hey, I'd like you anyway. Because you see, if it were me, I'd feel free to say that I was gay but I'm not gay," Lilliput sang.

"Lilliput please, I'm trying to focus on my Pokedex," Lucas told her as she began to sing again.

"If you were queer, I'd still be here, year after year. Because you're dear to me. And I know that you, would accept me too if I told you today 'Hey guess what I'm gay!', but I'm not gay," she sang.

"What!?" he asked, but she continued to sing.

"I'm happy, just being with you, so what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?" she sang.

"Lilliput that's disgusting!" Lucas shouted.

"No its not!" she told him.

"If you were gay... I'd shout hurray! And here I'd stay, but I wouldn't get in your way. You can count on me, to always be besides you every day, to tell you its ok, you were just born that way. And as they say, its in your DNA you're gay!" she sang.

"I am not gay!" he resented.

"If you were gay!" she finished.

"Whatever, now we're at Jubilife Town," Lucas said as they reached the town.

"Cool, so where's the gym?" she asked him.

"There isn't one in this town, but there's on in Oreburgh City," he told her.

"Ok, I'll go there after I catch some Pokeman... I mean Pokemon. Then I'll do some leet pownage and get some badges and be all leet," Lilliput said cockily.

"Ok, go east and you'll get to the city, then you go get your badge, then come back here, got it?" Lucas asked after he explained his directions.

"Sure, later," she said as she walked off.

"Hey Lilliput," Nelson greeted his friend as Lilliput started to leave the city.

"Sup," was all she said.

"My Pokemon have gotten much stronger, lets battle!" Nelson shouted as the two were thrust into battle.

"Go Starly!" Nelson shouted as he threw a pokeball and his Starly came out.

"Lets go Prosty!" Lilliput shouted.

"Ok, I'll let you go first since I'll dominate you otherwise," Nelson said smugly.

"Prost use Thunderbolt!" Lilliput shouted.

"A shinx at a low level wouldn't know Thunderbolt," Nelson told her.

"Hey Mr. Writer, can I look at the script real quick?" Lilliput asked as she let out Smedwicks.

**Me: Of course, here you go.**

"Cool, Smedwicks, since you're so smart, write down that Prost knows Thunderbolt," Lilliput ordered her Pokemon and when it was done, she put her Piplup back in the pokeball and gave back the script.

"Ok, like I said. Prost, Thunderbolt!" Lilliput repeated as Prost deep fried Starly.

"Ok, lets go Turtwig!" Nelson shouted.

"Prost, use Thunderbolt," Lilliput said bored and deep fried the last of his Pokemon.

"Oh my Lord... You won... well I guess I'll go and try and get my first badge, laters," Nelson said as he left.

"Whatever, Prost, return, lets go to Oreburgh," she said and after a lot of walking, they ended up in Oreburgh City.

**Inside the Oreburgh Gym**

"Yo gym leader! Lets fight!" Lilliput shouted obnoxiously.

"Well now that the gym leader is back you can. You do have three Pokemon don't you?" the referee asked.

"I need three Pokemon? Aww man..." Lilliput whined as the leader, Roark walked up.

"Well you don't need three, at least I won't force you to have three Pokemon," Roark told her.

"Really?" she asked.

"No! Hahahahaha! I tricked you, I tricked you!" Roark said as he was laughing hysterically.

"Loser poser..." Lilliput said quietly.

"Just get three Pokemon and then come back, won't be that hard," Roark said.

"Not when your me," she said quietly and left.

**Me: Join us next episode when Lilliput gets her third Pokemon-**

"Wait! Before this episode is done, I wanna do something quick," Lilliput said.

**Me: Sure, go ahead.**

"Bonzai!!!!" Lilliput shouted as she pulled out a bag of eggs and started to egg the front of the gym, then ran off.

**Me: Well there we go, the second chapter is done, and a few episodes will be based after some of the episodes in the first season of the Pokemon anime. So later alls!**


End file.
